i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
