i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
