Can Purell be used as lube?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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