just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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