soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
