Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
