There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
