By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
