I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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