Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
