Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
