Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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