gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
