reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
