and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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