Jerry, you need to find god
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
