i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
