pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
