im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
please don't ironically join a cult
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