So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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