Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
