the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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