your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
