We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
