I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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