Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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