I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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