Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
