awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
