Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My breasts were aching with rage.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
