Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
