i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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