i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
