One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
