This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
