The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
