i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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