Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
