If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
