The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
