He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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