We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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