apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
