R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
