HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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