I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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