We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
