I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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