Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
