Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
