What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
